Bree: I feel like I have never talked with another human as much as I talk with Eric. We have a hard time getting off the phone at night. I think the Lord has really blessed us in the area of communication, because we’re very good about giving each other any information that is needed, anything important that happens throughout the day. Eric will call me on his break at work and tell me if something hard happened or he needs prayer for something. Basically we’re always in communication. 

Eric: It’s being open, honest, and transparent at all times. As a single person, you’re so used to processing things internally with yourself. I was challenged with sharing this with another person. 

Bree: We had to train ourselves, especially in those first few months. It was different to shift in our mind, there’s another person. Especially when you get married, you’re becoming one with that person and I believe that they deserve to know everything. Even the hardest things that you don’t want to tell them. Even when you know it could possibly hurt them, you have to tell them.Do the harder thing, even if you know it will hurt the other person for a second. Because by hiding or thinking you’re protecting them, that could actually hurt them worse in the long run. 

Eric: If that person finds out later what you were thinking or feeling, it could hurt even worse. 

Bree: I remember as we were getting to know each other telling Eric things that for me were very embarrassing. Things that I hadn’t really talked to anyone about. We waited to have that conversation for about a couple months of dating before we went into depths about our pasts.Some of that conversation happened slowly over a few months. You don’t have to divulge everything all at once. In past relationships, I remember feeling obligated like “they have to know this about me”, or like I’m being dishonest. But I look back and there were things that I shared that certain people didn’t deserve to know because they didn’t know how to handle it.In the beginning stages take it slow. Be honest with yourself asking, is it time to share this or am I forcing this? 

Eric: That’s where it also comes with also, being in communication with the Lord to know how much to share during certain moments. I think I’ve used my notepad and my phone so many times writing down things I wanted to share with her but maybe it wasn’t the appropriate time to do that just then. So I’d write it down and share it later when the time was right.That is what will truly reveal the spiritual maturity within yourself. If you can contain your thoughts and your emotions and bring them to the Lord instead of dumping them all on the other person. 

Bree: Ask each other questions. One person may not have as easy of a time sharing feelings. 

Eric: I think over time we’ve practiced communication so well that we’ll find each other’s strengths and different ways of communicating and being creative with it.

What role has technology played in your relationship? 

Bree: One of the first things I loved about Eric was that he called me [rather than] texted me. Texting was not a part of our relationship [in the very beginning]. For us talking on the phone was more productive and transparent. 

Eric: There are times when we’ll be explaining something over text message and stop mid-sentence and start calling each other. Because it’s not worth it to try to guess what the other person is feeling or thinking. 

Bree: About five months into our relationship we got a shared calendar. So any event that I had that I needed him to know about I’d put it in our shared calendar. I think that eliminated so much miscommunication. That was super helpful. 

What advice would you give to a dating couple? 

Eric: Be willing to discuss the hard things, to go there. Our comfort is to not talk about the uncomfortable. But go to the hardest places in conversation. Talk about the hardest things, bringing them to the surface so you can have the most transparent and open relationship you possibly can.I’m a firm believer that your emotional and spiritual self in the relationship is so important to focus on first [before the physical stuff]. Physical can’t bring the same satisfaction. 

Bree: If you’re focused on physical satisfaction, you’ll always be left wanting more.Focus on your love relationship with the Lord, because as long as that is right, your relationship with one another will be right. Think of your relationship with one another and God as a triangle. If the two bottom points are you and your significant other and God is the top point, as long as you are both pursuing Him, you’re going to keep getting close together.

How do you balance work and family while also prioritizing a dating relationship?

Eric: For me, that’s God, family, and everything else. There’s a balance for everything, don’t pour your everything in one area. Make sure you’re tackling the highest priorities first.If you aren’t healthy, it’s going to take a toll on the relationship as a whole. 

Bree: Find ways to bring the other person into those areas. Whether that’s me attending Eric’s work events, or Eric being a part of my work events. Integrate your life as much as possible, but also remember that you’re just dating. It’s not going to look the way you may want it to look and that’s okay. Be honest with one another too. Like, “hey, I really need a night to myself.” Or “hey, I really think you need a night to yourself.”Look out for the other person’s needs, lay aside your own desires for the health of yourself and the other person.Maintain your friendships! And make sure the other person is maintaining their friendships. Build that into your schedule too. Make the most of the time when the other person is doing something.

Eric: Know who you are and what you put your identity in. Also, know who you’re looking for: someone who shares your spiritual beliefs, has similar views, someone who is not afraid to show love in all the right ways, and has a willingness to serve. Yes, physical appearance does play a role in attraction, but more importantly are the spiritual matters.

Bree: There’s a lot I would tell myself. I didn’t have enough faith. I didn’t believe that God would give me the desires of my heart. And therefore, I didn’t know my value. I found myself settling for relationships that weren’t healthy or where I was the main spiritual leader or pursuer. I didn’t believe that anyone would ever be good for me.Know your value. And believe that the kind of man exists that you hope for.  Don’t lower your standards and be patient. Trust God’s timing.  Enjoy your single life- you’ll never get it back. How can you make the most of your time as a single person, more than you’ll be able to as a married person? Because once you’re married, your first ministry is to your husband or wife. But when your single, you can do or go anywhere for the Lord! 

What do you love about your significant other? How do they make you a better person?

Bree: One thing I love about Eric is that he is always striving to grow and be like Christ every day. He’s not comfortable with being stagnant. That alone makes me want to grow. He is also pushing me and challenging me and want me to grow and heal. He tells me the honest truth.I love his love for life and people and honestly loves everyone. That’s something he’s challenged me in, treating all people with an equal amount of love. 

Eric: Bree challenges me to step up in so many ways I haven’t before, making me a well-rounded stronger person. A stronger man in my faith, in leadership. She is very encouraging and always holds me accountable.I love Bree’s gifts and how she uses them, and the amount of people she touches. The way she leads spiritually is so cool.