Is it the man’s job to initiate a relationship? Should he be the pursuer in the relationship?

Eric: YES. I don’t think men try hard enough to do that. Each person in a relationship should always be giving. But what the man should always keep in mind is knowing that the woman could take those responsibilities on, but always having the desire to want to step up and take initiative for those responsibilities.

Bree: I know a lot of couples where the girl gave a little nudge in the beginning and then kind of stepped back and let the guy do the pursuing. I want to say that that’s okay, because sometimes a guy can be a little shy and needs a little encouragement in the beginning. But I do believe that he should be pursuing the girl. After that beginning stage is over, it should be this mutual pursual constantly.

I do look to Eric as my leader and I want to follow him because I respect his wisdom and his relationship with the Lord. If I’m unsure about something, I do look to him as my leader.

Eric: It’s not like the man trying to take over the relationship, because I respect Bree so much and want her to make decisions for herself. It’s more about maintaining direction in the relationship.

I used to have this perspective as a man, like, why isn’t she doing this for me? Why should I do this for her? In essence, I was looking to receive more than to give. If a man has that perspective then he is looking for a mother.

Bree: I think we both agree that in the beginning stages the guy should be doing the pursuing. But it’s okay for the girl to show the guy know she’s interested.

If the girl has any questions like, “Does he like me? I can’t tell. Sometimes it seems like he does, sometimes it doesn’t.” I normally tell my girlfriends, you just need to ask him. You need to tell him, “Look, I’m interested in you, but this is really confusing. And I just need to know where we’re at. I’m not going to play games, so if you’re in this, let’s do it. But if you’re not, I’m out because I know my value and I’m not going to wait around for someone who doesn’t know what I’m worth.”

Eric: I think that’s what I loved about Bree. I showed her that I was interested when we first met and she didn’t ever play that game of hard to get, which I find so annoying. Being forward, direct, honest, and that’s it. It’s either you know or you don’t know.

From the man’s perspective too, if a man was pursuing a woman who was playing hard to get, [I’d say], only pursue in the Lord’s timing. Not like buying all this stuff for her, letting her lead you on. Do whatever it takes to eliminate confusion.

Bree: I’ve always been a pretty doubtful person when it came to relationships. I would either settle or just have a lot of questions or confusion. From the start [with Eric], there were no questions. It felt so mutual. I didn’t have to wonder if he was interested in me, he was just full on pursuing me. And that was very different. I was so used to guys leading me on or talking to me, dropping me… and playing games- it never felt that way with Eric.

Eric was the first relationship where I wasn’t looking to him for my happiness or my fulfillment. That was different for me. I remember in the past, my joy was put into another person or circumstances. It was the first time I wasn’t waiting for his text. It felt so different than anything I’d ever experienced.

Eric: I was already in a position where I hadn’t been dating someone for years and I was just praying for the Lord to bring me that right person and [with Bree] it felt so right.

How did you decide it was time to get married?

Bree: I always looked at people that got engaged quickly like, “Oh my gosh, they must be desperate or something”. But now that I’m in that, I see it so clearly that God has such a different path for everyone. As long as you’re following Him and surrendering everything to Him, knowing you’re walking with Him, there’s not a right timeline.

Eric:  That timeline is different for everybody. I went to God directly for those decisions and found the importance of asking Him, is this in your timing and not our own?

I’m in my late 20’s but being older in physical age doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for marriage. Putting in the time and preparation, doing the little things to allow the Lord to prepare your heart (like reading leadership books [and] types of materials that prepare you for when that right person comes along), you’ll know even sooner you’re ready for it. It’ll be more clear when you know you’ve put in the preparation.

It did bring a huge sigh of relief knowing that I was financially stable in being able to provide in that way. It would be harder to get married without the financial piece- it’s doable, but it’s harder.

Bree: It’s hard to tell anyone what’s right or wrong, but for us, all I had to base it on was where I’ve been and where I am at now. When I looked back at past relationships and seasons of life, I realized when we were thinking of getting engaged there was no confusion. It was so clear that this person was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

This person makes me better and pushes me towards Christ every day.

Also, a huge indicator that it was right was the fact that the Lord had helped me overcome some past bad habits. Through dating Eric, I was freed from them. It was like God was bestowing His grace on us so that we could honor each other physically and spiritually. Because we had the strength to pursue God and obey what he asked of us, I knew it was right.

Eric: Make sure you’re spiritually fit going into the process. If I wasn’t emotionally or spiritually stable to take care of myself, how was I supposed to take care of another person? I wanted to make sure I was content with my relationship in the Lord and strong enough to control my own emotions or spiritual self, knowing I’m walking so closely with Him that I can help another person do the same.