At 17, Voss noticed beautiful, 16-year-old Alia who was working as a receptionist. The teens exchanged a few words and shared some mutual friends, but nothing seemed to come out of this encounter. They continued to like each other from a distance.
The end.
Just kidding… Voss and Alia’s story did not end there. In fact, those wide-eyed teenagers were in for an incredibly beautiful, complex, rewarding future together. Buckle up folks, because you’ll want to soak in every word of this love story.
Ten years after this initial encounter, Alia’s friend dared her to send a Facebook message to the guy they dubbed, “hot Voss”. After smoothly sliding into his DM’s, Alia (26) and Voss (27) went on their first date.
Magnetic. That’s the word the couple used to describe their connection with one another. Alia, a fiery and opinionated young woman, was used to leaving dates feeling bored and uninterested. Voss possessed gentler, quieter traits and was tired of engaging in failed, short-lived relationships. Though the young people were very different in personality, they held similar, deeply rooted convictions regarding life and faith.
Voss and Alia’s shared belief system and mutual attraction was unlike anything the pair had experienced in the past. Their first conversation was marked by incredible depth and they discussed topics like the reality of suffering in the world. This was an appropriate topic for their first date. Unbeknownst to them, the next year and a half would turn out to be one of the most difficult seasons of their lives.
Part 1// You Can’t Marry Her
Voss grew up in the Russian Molokan church. Families in the church are raised together, celebrate with one another, and support each other. This community is extremely close-knit, and its members care deeply about their values and traditions. One such value held by the church Voss grew up in was that members are not permitted to marry anyone outside of the community.
Well, Voss fell in love with a girl. And she was not part of the Russian Molokan church.
To say that Voss’ family and friends were unhappy that he was dating Alia is an understatement. On a regular basis, Voss received painful, emotional, heart-wrenching phone calls from his mom, extended family, and out-of-state friends. They passionately urged Voss to end his relationship, one woman citing a vision she had as evidence for Voss to adhere to her words.
Voss and Alia loved God and one another deeply. However, in the face of constant rejection and disapproval, they were forced to ask themselves, “Is this worth it?”
Part 2 // First Kiss
Alia knew what she wanted in a relationship. When she goes car shopping, she can sit in a vehicle for 30 seconds and know if she wants to purchase it. It was in this same decisive, no-nonsense fashion that Alia approached the world of dating. It enabled her to quickly recognize men she wasn’t interested in but also led to frustration.
From a young age, Alia desired to romantic relationships. When Alia was 19, she told God “Let’s go! I’m ready to meet my husband!” However, God wasn’t in nearly as much of a hurry as she was. Over and over, Alia felt God speak the word: wait.
“I remember getting so mad. I thought, I don’t want to wait. I want it to happen now. I desire this closeness, this person who understands me. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Alia continued to pray these prayers and hear the same response. Wait.
Have you ever desired something with such fervor and longing? Perhaps you have a dream for a project that you desperately want to carry out, but you have no idea how to make it happen. So you ask God for guidance and clarity… but are met with silence.
Or maybe, like Alia, you’re ready to meet the love of your life. To do this, you attend every young adult church gathering in the tri-state area, scanning the aisles for a prospective mate.
Maybe you feel confused about who to date. God, do I ask this person out? Do I text him? Do I flirt with her??? Or do I just like all of her Instagram photos from 2014?
The answer to the last question is no, please don’t do that.
In all seriousness though, young adulthood is a confusing time of life. It consists of many potentially life-changing decisions, and we often find ourselves without clear understanding on how to approach them.
Alia was not given the name of her soul mate through her prayers. Instead, she felt called to wait. However, her waiting was not passive.
Christianity tends to paint the ‘perfect woman’ as someone who is gracefully walking her path and waiting for her prince. I would say, go out and live life. If you meet someone, get to know them.
If you don’t like them, move on. As a woman, you can participate in your story, and you can wrestle with it. Some of the most significant times I had with the Lord were when I wrestled with how frustrated I was.
If Voss would have come any sooner, I was just not ready for him. I would have ruined things because my heart was not ready. I was looking for someone to fill all the holes in my life, and God was like, “No, that’s gonna be me!”
Alia experienced life. She dated young men. She pursued her interests. All the while, Alia held on to that word “wait.” As she dated, she chose to not be very physically involved with her boyfriends. Though she was teased for this decision, Alia also gained the respect of those around her for her steadfastness and intentionality.
When Alia was 26 years old and started dating Voss, she prayed. This time, she didn’t hear the word “wait” she had encountered so many times before. Alia shared her heart and her first kiss with the man who would eventually become her husband.
Part 3 // Do You Want to be With Me?
“I had to basically renounce everything [to be with Alia]. I had to relinquish everything I was hanging on to… family, friends, my inheritance-everything I knew. I had to drop it.”
After a wonderful and tumultuous season of dating, Voss was faced with a decision. His love for Alia was undeniable. However, he was adamently told by family and friends that dating Alia was wrong. If Voss chose a life with Alia, he would lose the life he had before her.
Though Alia stood faithfully with Voss as he processed the heaviness of this reality, she knew that they couldn’t live in a constant state of uncertainty, wondering if a life together was worth the pain of rejection. One day, Alia looked at her boyfriend with a serious, direct gaze and said,
You need to decide. Do you want to be with me?
In this moment, Voss envisioned two paths and God spoke over his restless heart.
No matter what path you choose, I am going to be with you. The first path is one you’re accustomed to and it’s easier to see where it leads. The other, the one with Alia, is going to require tremendous sacrifice. But no matter what path you choose, I am going to be with you.
With this revelation, Voss knew what his decision would be.
If God is going to be with me no matter what, I’m choosing the path with Alia.
Part 4 // Do You Believe in “The One”?
Alia: I could have met Voss and chickened out and decided it was too much for me, and I wanted my perfect story.
I was so stressed, trying to plan a wedding where half the people invited don’t want it to happen. I was crying every day- it’s supposed to be this beautiful thing, you’re supposed to have all these pictures, and everything is supposed to be perfect, and it wasn’t.
I went to Voss and told him, I want to get married, but I don’t want a big wedding. I don’t want to pretend that we’re running down the aisle and everyone is in favor of us. We had a cute little backyard wedding with about 30 people, and it was beautiful. We had a reception and only one of Voss’ 12 siblings came.
We still struggle when we go to weddings, when we see this unison family coming together, blessing this couple. We cry because it’s beautiful, but also because it hurts.
In spite of the pain, Voss and Alia chose one another.
God is with you in the story. If you chose not to be with that person, He is going to go with you too. You’re still going to have a beautiful story, if you’re with God.
The choice isn’t [ultimately] about the person you’re with, it’s about whether you’re with God or not that your story is beautiful.
People are obsessed with these major life decisions because they want to make sure their life turns out happy and that it’s easy. The good feelings are mixed with the bad. It’s hardship, and then it’s choosing to follow God despite the hardship.
Having a happy easy life is not the end goal. Having a bunch of money and being with the perfect person is not the end goal. Following Jesus is the end goal.
Part 5 // After I Do
Alia: I thought marriage would be like dating on crack. But it’s not like all of a sudden, you’re not ever sad now that you’re married.
Voss: But now, you have it all. You do have more struggles and more challenges, but you also have more joy.
Both Voss and Alia agree that marriage is not about trying to fix the other person or using them to try to make yourself happy. It’s about helping each other pursue complete righteousness in Christ.
When Voss and Alia prepared to have their first child, their personal experiences and upbringings led to their unique attitudes about the process. Through Alia’s first pregnancy with their son McKoy, Voss allowed Alia to feel insecure and never like she was less of a woman because of those feelings.
Alia: Voss reminds me how important kindness is every day. I’m naturally more internally focused on my family, and Voss helps me to look outward to others. He is steady and loves me at my full potential, always reminding me of who I am. He is patient with me he and challenges me without intimidating me.
You may be wondering, did Voss’ family ever come to accept his marriage?
Voss: Alia and I chose to extend love toward my family instead of resentment. We believe that forgiveness and love are transforming. We chose to love despite the hurt. When we were rejected, we’d tell them, “You can cut us off, but we’ll never cut you off. You are always welcome.
Within about a year of our marriage, our relationships with almost all of my family members were restored.
Alia makes life better in every way. I’m convinced that my choice to be with Alia is the best version of my life and I’d do it all over again tomorrow. I have no regrets.
Thank you for reading! If Voss and Alia’s story impacted you in any way, let them know by leaving a comment. To stay up to date on current conversations, type your email below.
I loved this so much:
The choice isn’t [ultimately] about the person you’re with, it’s about whether you’re with God or not that your story is beautiful.
That’s one of my favorite quotes also! ??
We two had to make that choice that god and Jesus are number 1 in our lives and george and i are one flesh because thats how god see marriage. I told family that god is first and religion is just that. We have been blessed in our lives and. 47 years later we are still in love and god is still number one in our lives. Gods love is very strong and he is love and when we leave this earth age we will be with God and Jesus Lov aunt Tatyana